Catwoman: The Tamer
by Tory Steller
Summary: There's a new baddie in Gotham aiming to take over the city. With Gotham's Dark Knight disposed of, it's up to Selina Kyle to thwart this new madman's insane plot of domination.
1. Patrol

We were out on our nightly patrol, using the only reliable method of transportation in this overcrowded city; leaping rooftop to rooftop. The night's air kissed my face through the leather mask as I floated freely forward until my heel touched down on solid concrete. I continued on, with my momentum leading my hips forward, and he remained no less than two footsteps behind me.

It was always such a rush to run alongside him, since even without possessing special attributes like mine, he was the only man I knew who could keep up with me. At least, the only man without some kind of hideous deformity or massive mental disconnect from reality.

Still, the rush failed to compare to the high-level thrill of a good hunt. Disappointingly, the uneventful night had given us no crooks to collar or _purr_sue. By the time the clock struck midnight, I was willing some crime-related excitement to spring up. If my frustration wasn't relieved soon, I'd have to find more_imaginative_ ways to get my heart racing.

As if fate decided to intervene and soothe my own _purr_sonal urges, the cry for help down in the alley caught our attention. It was a woman's voice, run ragged from distress and lack of breath. Without missing a beat, my partner and I immediately changed course.

We arrived at the scene in a matter of moments, but chose to remain hidden in the shadows to assess the situation first; or he did anyway. By now I was familiar with how he operated, all stealth ninja style, but it didn't really mesh with my _purr_sonality. Sure, when the time calls for it, I'm all for sneaking around; during a jewel heist being a _purr_ime example. If security guards or police are looking for me, you can bet the cat moves im_purr_ceptibly.

None of that applied to tonight however, and I felt eager to pounce on an unsuspecting rat. I needed to sink my claws in something and give it a long scratching, and the jerk harasser below seemed to be the most _purr_omising candidate around. With a hungry _purr_ I launched into action, ignoring his calls of my name and his orders to wait.

I landed _purr_fectly atop my target's head, heels clinking not so harmlessly against his skull. With inhuman grace, I propelled my body into the air, using his flimsy neck like a diving board and, somersaulted backwards. My heels touched down next to the rescued victim and I looked down at her cowering figure with a smile.

"W-what the hell was that?" the mugger stuttered with a pathetic lack of eloquence. I granted him a glance, tutted while considering his bleeding head-hugging position on his ass and decided he was no longer an urgent concern to me or my panicked party.

Still in a playful mood, I gave an elegant bow. "You should feel pretty silly, trying to catch a falling cat from the sky. We always land on our feet, you know." The last bit I added for the sake of the girl at my side. She was shivering like a leaf in the wind as I inspected her skin for any bruises or cuts. Once I was satisfied that the oaf had done no harm to her, I turned to him again, just in time to see the gun retrieved from its holster.

"Ah... ripped whiskers!" I managed to exclaim while moving out of the way. I picked the timid thing up from under her wobbling legs and started to run, just as the memorable whoosh of sliced air cut over my head and stuck sharply into the thug's arm. He let out a shriek just before the gun went off. His aim was diverted into the air, and a cloaked figure swung valiantly towards him to deliver a finishing dropkick.

Our assailant went careening into the bricks, smacking his head against the wall with an audible thud. Our protector on the other hand stood proudly before us, no doubt marveling in the glory brought by his accomplishment. I put the shaking girl down and turned just in time to see my playmate's somber scowl. A look that could kill from eyes that were to die for; it was impossible not to be immobilized on the spot.

"I told you to wait." The deep grumble seemed to hold power over me as it left me flustered. Memories of the voice making accusations and assumptions at my expense temporarily tied my tongue. As funny as it sounds, the cat had caught her own proverbial tongue for once, and I gave as innocent a shrug as I could manage as a response.

"No use in being angry when the cream's already spilled out the bowl. Besides, I saved the girl without any trouble at all. Mission accomplished, right?" My words did little to ease his intense, scrutinizing glare. His eyes took all of me in, leaving me nothing but silent. Without warning to me or his targets, he sprang into action. His gloved hand seized his weapons of choice, and flung them into the dark in the direction of the open alleyway. A short moment after they detonated, he turned to me, his mask only accenting the stern disapproval as a few nearly invisible enemies fell to the ground slightly singed and unconscious.

"There's no trouble in being surrounded by goons with high tech cloaking devices and deadly plasma rifles?" His voice sent scolding ice water pumping through my veins and I stood my full height to stop myself from shivering. It also worked to mask the shamefully apparent intimidated expression on my face. I watched a bit anxiously as he moved closer; a fluent shadow shrouded in darkness approaching for mysterious reasons, but his advances stopped just a breath short of smothering me in his massive presence.

A sudden, indescribable movement from him, far from just a subtle twitch, and I'm embarrassed to admit I let loose a frightened squeak and flinched. By the time I finished blinking he was gone, disappearing back into his comfort zone, concealed by the night to move unseen. He barked something unintelligible at me in that rugged, desert sand like voice, but I might have simply blocked it out because it was a command. I have problems with commands; following orders isn't part of my skill set.

"Grab the girl and move!" he had shouted just before taking cover and hell broke loose. Blasts were fired off, walls were blown up, and playing above all the noise, like a nail being driven through my ears, was the shrill of a woman terrified. While weathering all the chaos, I finally realized we were under attack. The action had my adrenaline spiked as the quiet alley became a war zone. Under normal circumstances I would have endured the frightened cry echoing in my ear and joined the fray, but the shrieking thing at my side needed protection.

Not wanting to use my body as a human shield, I snatched her up, placing a palm over her mouth to shush her, and carried her away from the fight. My partner in justice wasted no time subduing the baddies behind us. We made it inside a clichéd abandoned factory, filled with rusting metal and splashes of silhouetting darkness under flickering red lights above. I stood her against a corroding wall, removed my hand from her slimy lips and finally got a chance to examine her.

She looked small; her flimsy frame balled into itself like that, yet not short or overly skinny. Her hair was a black puffy mess on her head. The glasses kept me from having a clear view of what lay beneath them. I solved that by removing them, much to her passive protest, but she didn't fight me when I lifted her chin up to see those beautiful light-browns stare up at me.

It wasn't the sight of her that caught the curious cat's eye so to speak, but the alluring aroma. Her scent invaded my nose and possessed my mind after just the first sniff. And it wasn't an overpowering flowery fragrance you expect from a flaunter of _purr_fume, but more of a warm, mouth-watering, sugary smell; sweet, inviting, delicious. Before my rational mind knew it, my tongue was stuck to her cheek trying to lick up a sample of her sweetness.

"Oh, goodness," I regained my senses and snapped my head away, shocked at the lack of self-control I displayed. I felt mortified and blushed a bit to show it. She didn't seem to care much about my outburst however. In fact, her reaction was _:__meows__:_ _purr_iceless.

Timid fingertips gently touched the wet spot I imprinted on her cheek, her simmering eyes transfixed directly on mine and her hand moved gingerly to her lips. I watched with perverse interest as she tasted whatever traces I'd left behind. And the cinnamon orbs smiled at me. For a moment I was taken aback, but once her hand fell back to her side, the predator I saw locked behind those eyes evaporated and I gained back my composure.

"So, what's your story, honey?" I astonished myself with my coolness. I feel a lesser feline might have tripped over her words. I have a problem with appearing weak. Vulnerability is not my thing, unless I'm using it to get what I want, as I often do. "You wanna tell me why all those big bad men were after little old you? They looked pretty serious."

"No need for an interrogation now, I've already squeezed out a confession." His brash voice interjected. I couldn't tell when he got there, but he was standing right behind me, and his presence demanded attention. "Her name is Dr. Allison Zion, the remaining third of a group of researchers testing experimental drugs in the form of artificial pheromones. Judging by how non responsive she is, I suspect she is on the drug now." Ignoring my subtle protest, my "natural ray of sunshine" moved in closer to the silent monster to give her a brief physical examination.

A few seconds later, he deduced, "She is definitely showing symptoms of substance abuse. I'll have to take her back to the Batcave, run some tests and hopefully reverse any damage done so we can get some answers." He clicked a button on his utility belt that would call his car to him. A supersonic jet car would only take a few seconds to get here, and that's all it took to be completely dismissed.

"Should I ride along with you?" I asked as optimistically as I get. He of course rejected, shooting my hopes down with a bazooka.

"No," he answered with an air of absolution. "The Batmobile only seats two. Besides, these tests could take all night to get done. I'll call you if anything develops. And maybe next time you'll learn a little restraint and not rush in to claw up the bait." Entirely dejected, I hissed down at his footprints. And he was gone with her, on his way to his silly hole in the wall hideout. But if he thought he could get away with pissing off a cat without an apology, he had something deadly on its way to pay a visit.


	2. Sorry!

I approached Wayne Manor after spending hours in front of both the mirror and my observant, always honest meowing darlings to make sure I appeared drop-dead gorgeous, or "positively dapper" as Jeeves called me after allowing me inside. I looked around at the mansion's décor, admiring the elegant layout of expensive, shiny things it was filled with. A few months ago I might have lifted a couple things just to :meows: lighten his load.

"Master Bruce is busy being a diligent creature of the night and is currently disposed of, although you, madam, are always welcome inside. I am a bit curious, however, as to why you are visiting so late, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I had a few urgent matters I wanted to discuss with him, and hoped he would have finished his research by now. Of course, that blockhead never retires early, does he?" The elderly man smiled and shook his head. "Alright, it would be doing me an amazing favor if you went and told him I was here anyway."

"Not a favor at all, Miss, that is my job." We shared a laugh at that. "I'll return in a moment, with Master Bruce in tow. Please, have a seat while you await his entrance." He kindly gestured to the huge living room and escorted me to the couch like the gentleman he was.

"Thanks a lot, Alfred." I offered a hug and he took it as he would have from a friend. This man was great. Even if I was waging war against Bruce, I would never, ever hurt this man.

"No need for thanks, Miss Kyle, I shan't be a moment." He was gone moments later, walking down the hall at a brisk, professional pace. In his absence, I crossed my legs, lifted the end of the skirt up to my thigh and tugged my top open just a tad, in addition to modestly pushing my chest out so it would look flattering and provocative without obvious exaggeration.

Footsteps were rounding the corner, and I pivoted my body so my bust pointed directly at the hallway. My lips puckered in a cute little pout, my eyebrows arched, my cheeks flushed and blonde strands curled down to cover an emerald eye; I was seduction itself... and it was all wasted preparation.

My impure efforts stopped the Boy Wonder dead in his tracks once he caught sight of me. I can only speculate the type ofpurrize I seemed to be to him by the way his eyes widened to the extreme. It didn't take a genius to notice he was coming from training, the way his muscles were bulging in the tank top, drenched in his sweat. He hardly qualified as a boy anymore.

"Surprised to see me, handsome?"I chose not to adjust my posture, hoping to see if I could cause him to sweat for a different reason. "I stopped by to have a little chat with the big man, but I wonder… purrhaps you can satisfy me in his place." I raised a suggestive eyebrow, and the redness in his cheeks upped the level of his cuteness factor tenfold.

"What do you need?" It was Robin after all. The boy was ninja-trained to take down monsters since before he'd even cared about girls, so I don't know what I was expecting. Of course he wouldn't stutter over seeing little old me. Still, I felt a twinge of disappointment and decided to lay the seduction on heavier, just for the playful fun of it. I rose to my full height, stretching out my ankles and arms in a masterful relevé, arching my back to push my front parts out further, and mewled my satisfaction as cute as any real cat could.

"Well, I began to have some weird, burning sensations just below my gut anytime I have the eyes of the opposite sex on me. You're actually doing it to me now."I giggled at how long it took him to peel his eyes away, or maybe it was because he averted his eyes at all. "Don't worry, I don't mind. It's a pleasant warmth; just… strange. I was hoping the big guy would take a look at it for me, but since you're here…"

I closed the short distance between us, although I took my tippy-toeing time, and made a grab for his arm. It jumped away, but he restrained himself and gave it to me anyway. With a cheerful smile, I moved it to my abdomen and placed his fingers underneath my top. "After all, one set of hands are as good as another. Do you feel how hot my skin is under your touch?" He nodded distractedly, never breaking eye contact with me. A natural blush crept onto my cheeks, sealing his fate…

…Or it would have if the butler's return didn't interrupt our fun.

"I apologize, Miss Kyle, but neither Master Bruce, nor his guest, seem to be where I left them. I'll have to—" He paused, looked over the two of us with a questioning eye and just as quickly dismissed it.

"I told you my abs were tighter than yours," I said to Robin with a wink. He caught on quickly, playing it off with a disagreeing shake of his head, which I took as purrmission to feel him up. My fingers gently probed the tight muscles under his shirt, granting me the gift of his gasping response. "It's alright; I can just come by another night if the brooding billionaire is busy."

"Oh, that is nonsense, Miss Kyle! You came all this way to see him; the least he can do is greet you. Besides, it's a dose of good health to have someone like you interested in him. He needs your good company to keep him right in the head." I fought the urge to chuckle at the irony. "Please, if you would just wait one moment more, I'm sure Master Dick can provide you with entertainment." We both turned to find the teen blushing with a cheesy grin.

"Um…well…" I released his hand but he never made a move to withdraw it from under my shirt, so I pulled away from him to let him think. He was clearly reluctant to lose physical contact, so I pinched his cheek. Without my body placed so intimately to his clouding his mind he was able to say, "I'm still in the middle of a training session. I could use a workout partner," with a smirk so flirtatiously coy I had to forbid my mind from falling into the gutter.

"That's okay sweetie, your daddy can take care of me. I'll be on my way now boys." And with a smile and a wink I made it out the mansion door, back to my trusty Cat-illac where my cozy costume awaited me.

Once I was suited up and ready to purrowl, I gave my nine-tails a little twirl before wrapping it around its home; my supple sized waist. "Alright Bat, time to pay for ignoring me!" Now was the time to show off how quiet and discreet a cat really operates when she wants to. I climbed up onto the balcony, using the curtain as cover. The window was conveniently, if peculiarly,ajar. Just as well, the bedroom was empty.

I got down low, crawled deeper inside, keeping all my senses on highly sensitive alert. It was just as dark as it was silent, which did nothing to hinder my high purrforming eyes and ears, but it was a scent, of all things, that snagged me. A familiar fragrance drew me in; her smell. And something else mixed with it; another potent musk. It smelled undeniably, unsettlingly recognizable and I mentally kicked myself for not catching it sooner.

Him…

…Or more specifically, the scent of his passion. It caught me off guard, freezing me as it sunk it. And then a breeze got hold of it, funneling it into my nose, dribbling down my throat like a rancid bag of maggots, and traveled as deep as it could into my chest and gut, stirring up a boiling pot of jealousy once I heard his moan over hers. I blanked out how I got there, but I was behind a closed-over door, peeking in on their lovemaking session in a spare bedroom.

It only started because I never gave myself time to think. Just the sight of them there was enough to summon such vengeful actions from me. I launched myself through the door, roaring with all the animalistic rage instilled in me. And lord bless, it only took him two seconds to adjust by letting her go and turning towards me, catching my arms mid-clawing before they could sink into the meat of his arms. Still not thinking, and still in the air, I tried my best to chomp at his wrist, but he showed just how light a little thing like me is, and I was tossed away at a wall.

Of course, being my little agile self, my heels cancelled out my crashing, and I kicked off the solid wall, propelling myself back towards him. My hands hit the floor and he jumped away from my flying cartwheel kick. Smooth as a criminal, I slid between his legs, catching one with a quick swipe while I passed. The injured limb caused him to limp, but I wasn't surprised that he still managed to block my volley of sporadic attacks.

"How could you Bruce?" I shouted through the tears and heartbreak. "Am I not special to you?" I kicked at his ribs, he chopped my leg away. "You were special to me! The only man I've ever met that I thought could handle me; accept me for who I really am. How dare you betray my trust, and end all of those tender emotions like this? You cheating bastard!" I hissed, and struck at his temple, but he ducked away. "And with someone you don't even know? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Selina, calm down." Normally, that would have sunken into my heart and made me heel immediately. But hell, with a broken heart, it did nothing more than agitate me. I refused to hear any bullshit excuses, because there were none I could accept. "You have to listen to me, you're making a mistake." He was still level-headed about it; that fact set me off worse than the sex, and added to the feeling of betrayal.

"I'm making the mistake?" He received a hard punch to the gut, and I made certain he felt it too. "I gave up everything for you! The thieving, the scheming, everything I ever stole, just so we could have a shot together!"It should not have been so easy to gain the upper hand, but she ran towards me like a fool, screaming her head off. He called her back, tried to pull her away, and left his face vulnerable for a harsh kick. I watched his body spin in the air before spilling out on the floor.

He was down, but my rage level was not. I walked over to him, kicked him roughly in the ribs and snickered at the coughing sound he made, knowing full well I would hate myself for doing so afterwards. Still, I tangled my claws in his always neatly combed hair, pinched the skin of his scalp, and forced his eyes up to meet mine.

"Maybe you're right. Trusting you was a mistake. You see, I'm not surprised. After all, this world has always been home to conniving cats and dirty dogs. I'll be waiting for you, sweetie, and I'm taking your plaything with me. Catch us if you can."

His head hit the floor. The sight of his eyes falling shut would probably haunt my nightmares when the adrenaline wore off. However, the cruelties of my actions had not reached my rationale yet, so adding more still seemed justifiable. Who gave a damn anyhow? This was possibly my official resignation as a goody-goody anyway. The old cat was going back to her wicked ways.

Footsteps were racing up the stairs as I made off through the window with my first object of thievery since coming out of retirement. So what if it happened to be a person? By the time the Bat's reinforcement arrived on the scene, I had his concubine tied up in the trunk, peeling away from the mansion, on my way to the dusty old litter-box where I started this silly Catwoman gig.

I chose it to be the place of our confrontation for a few reasons. The most obvious being it was littered with traps I was familiar with, but the most personal being it was where he was sure to look for me first, and for once, I was not in the mood to play cat and mouse.


	3. Payback

Duct tape is such a simple, underused solution to so many of life's pesky _purr_oblems. For example, it solved my _purr_sonal dilemma of transporting a screamer into a warehouse without being noticed. With my whip binding her arms behind her back, I dragged her inside by her hair, tossed her carelessly into a steel beam and laughed when her back bounced off of it. She landed on her stomach, narrowly avoiding the collision between her face and the floor.

I knew he would be coming for me without fail, which is why I jumped straight into the interrogation, enjoying her shriek once I ripped the tape from her lips.

"Who the hell are you really?" During the drive here I began putting the pieces together. It took an extraordinary woman to get the attention of Batman, and even I failed to captivate him so efficiently, especially not the first day we met. Our romance bloomed on the battlefield after many :meows: risqué, if kittenish encounters. And even after we agreed to our commitment, it took major sacrifices, like turning myself into the authorities, losing my alter ego and giving up my crime operations to gain his trust, get each other out of garb and reveal our true identities.

This hussy had accomplished all of that and more in less than a single night! So I followed my hunch that this "victim" had a few claws of her own concealed up her sleeves. That was fine with me since I took pleasure in playing dirty.

"I may not be a detective, but I'm very good at reading people, and even better at making them talk. So, if you want to preserve that pretty face, I suggest you not lie to me. Not tonight, or ever for that matter. Do you understand?" She nodded, but remained silent. "Good. Now, are you truly Dr. Allison Zion?" She smirked at this; an unsettling crease on her face. I'd dealt with those lips, as well as those simmering eyes many times before, on the faces of the psychotic. I had a sudden suspicion that my whip would not be enough to keep her restrained.

After a fit of pointless fussing and fidgeting, I finally pulled her into an airtight chamber and wagged my finger at her. "Hopefully, I'll be back in an hour and you'll have changed your attitude." With the anger suddenly evaporating, leaving me in peace, I made my way back to the _purr_evious room after an absent-minded stroll, in desperate need of a moment to breathe and ponder over my actions.

I never got that moment...

He never gave me the chance...

The metal door at the front slid open. He didn't even bother to hide. "Selina!" He was mad, but could I blame him? Hell, so was I!

"Wow, you found me fast. You are getting really good at hide and seek." Robin was suited up by his side, the cute blush from earlier no longer evident on his cheeks, but the colorful tights did their job of highlighting his physique. I would be in a hell of a lot of trouble if they came to rumble. But I knew Bruce; he came for answers.

"Where is she?"

Exactly as I expected. It was said in such a commanding voice, the authority in his tone would be able to drag the answers from my mouth howling and clawing.

"Where's who?"

Or not. What can I say? I just can't turn down an opportunity of good playful fun. Of course, he wasn't amused with my antics, the sourpuss. He marched right up to me, the Boy Wonder staying behind him as available backup, as if I were dumb enough to try anything. His mind-piercing, intense eyes caught hold of me from under his mask, more effective than any trap or restraint could ever be against me.

"You know who I mean. Don't make me ask you again." This was not the first time he tried to intimidate me, and usually I'd laugh it off when he gave me speeches about the follies of my ways. This was unlike any of those times. The murderous intent that was hardly being contained, so present it seemed preset within his body language. The pain in his voice, and every sign of weakness now on display that the Batman would never expose to his opponent all justified my suspicious.

"Why don't you tell me where Batman is, first? Maybe then I can help you out." He laughed, a wheeze of exhaustion, and then his eyes turned cold. I gave Robin a concerned glance but he missed it.

"Alright, we can do it the hard way if that's how you like it." Without warning, his hands were upon me, one crushing my arm and the other squeezing my neck in a tight choke hold. I gasped for air as he effortlessly lifted my tiny frame up and pinned me to a support beam at my back. My feet dangled uselessly in the air. If I had any leverage or a chance at escaping his hands I might have kicked and clawed my way to freedom. But then I would have two men to contend with, and those odds were much more hazardous to my safety.

"Now, are you going to tell me what you did with her? Or do I have to make you squeal?" Clearly deranged, he tightened his grip in an attempt to break my arm, just to add emphasis to his words. A tear welled up in my eye. I didn't want to do it, but my only other option was tossing him back into her merciless claws and possibly losing him forever.

"Sorry about this, hun." I reached around the side of the beam with my free arm and pulled my pistol from a hidden compartment. I aimed at his exposed chin, but he tossed me aside. Before I could get off a shot, he ducked away…

Landing right onto a booby-trapped panel I installed in the floor. It fell from under his feet and he plummeted with it, vanishing into the floor between one breath and the next. His hand grabbed for the panel next to the one that fell, but that one crumbled with his weight as well. A hook line shot out from the hole, but I anticipated such and blasted the cable's trajectory off course so it too fell uselessly into the pit. With the action over, I gave a sigh of relief.

Until…

"Catwoman!" Robin came over to confront me. "Tell me where they are." I stared up at him in disbelief.

"Oh, curses! Not you too, cutie." I pointed the pistol at him, but I didn't have the heart to pull the trigger. Luckily, I didn't need to, because he shook his head and offered a hand.

"No, I'm not under her control." After a pause to read his face I put the gun in his hand, a sign of trust, and he used it to tug me up. My arm and throat would be sore for a couple days, but I was fine.

"Wait, you're telling me you knew this whole time and you let him come rough me up anyway? He could've damaged the goods, and I would have made you both pay the _purr_-ice for that!"

"Of course I knew. Back when we found him, or rather because of the state we found him, the nakedness, not the black eye, Alfred felt concerned and ran a few tests on blood samples while he was out cold. There were a few oddities found but nothing conclusive. Still, I stayed alert, watching to see if he acted any different after waking up."

"Well?" I asked because he didn't continue on his own. His face contorted a bit, eyebrows and lips dropping in grief.

"He is definitely not the man that raised me, that's for sure. His behavior is way off, more erratic than I have ever seen him. I mean sure, getting his ass handed to him by a girl might have set him off, but he overly cared more about getting her back than finding you. He was very possessive. It was really… disturbing. Alfred suggested that there may be a cure for it, but that I needed a sample of the woman's DNA for us to whip it up. So I need her. Where is she?"

I studied his face, trying to read any lies he might be hiding, but I could tell he was being horrifically honest with me. Finally, I pointed to the door hidden by a large crate in the back, and his eyes lit up a little. "She's in there, bound up and gagged for good measure, although she doesn't speak much. Be careful with her too, I don't want what happened to the Bat to happen to you." My words held genuine affection, but I'm not sure the kid picked up on it.

We were on our way to my prisoner when on the other side of the building another pair of steel doors opened and two unidentifiable figures waited ominously outside.

"I heard from a little birdie that you have my investment somewhere in this shabby shack. Tell me where to find her, or I'll dispose of you both and disassemble the place brick by brick." His voice was unfamiliar and the threat wasn't very subtle, meaning it didn't get me shaking in my boots.

But it was a different experience entirely when the other said, "Easy there, tiger. The kitty and I are very well acquainted. We're a litter box of laughter together. She'll cooperate if you ask her nicely, won't you? Come show us where you stashed the lovely doctor. There's a prize in it for you."

I squinted at the pair as my sight adjusted to the dark. From a purple pocket he presented a tiny fortune of treasures all favoring felines, contained in a paw shaped glass box. The jewels may have even gleamed irresistibly given a light to shine in. Still, I'd gone on more midnight crusades than needed to know never trust a criminal mastermind or a psychotic killer, and the Joker was an overdosing ton of all that rolled into one.

"Sorry, cats only come when they feel like it." I locked eyes with the teen at my side. "You ready, kid?" He confirmed with a stiff nod. "_purr_fect, just leave the ugly one to me.

And I launched myself into a dead-sprint at the bad-news bunch with as much moxie as I could muster with Robin in tow asking me, "Which one is the ugly one?"

The battle ended unexpectedly fast. There had been enough time to screech out a hissing war cry and cat-apult myself above them, only to be mysteriously hoisted up higher than I intended to go. Hell, I went higher than it was possible for me to leap from the ground. I capsized midair, and was left suspended upside down high out of the fray.

Robin seemed to fare better, going by the glimpses I caught of the kid. He tossed a few projectiles their way and presumably disappeared while the two were distracted, relying on his well-taught skills. With nothing else to do in my position, I took aim with the pistol still in my clutches and shot at the mystery man.

The bullet bounced harmlessly away, coming in contact with what seemed like solidified air. My competent sidekick coordinated with my second failing shot and executed a brilliant sneak attack from behind. Sadly, the Joker saw the strike coming and very out of character stepped into the diving kick to protect his partner. The heel connected with his ghostly white jaw, he let out a satisfyingly comical "Oomph", and was sent hurdling across the room, landing harshly on his face.

_purr_haps tired of my bothersome shooting, I was dropped from high ceiling heights. I tried to twist around to land safely, but whatever held my ankles made sure to keep them in their place so I could plunge head first towards the concrete. I had no choice but to toss the firearm away and brace my palms for impact.

I was jerked back up at the last second, the action threw off my balance, and when I hit the bottom I hit it hard, and terribly wrong. My weakened shoulder gave out with a sickening pop, but the surprise helped dissipate the pain.

I ended upright on my rump next to the Joker, who was now definitely seeing stars. I reached out to swat his face, but something wrapped around my working whipping arm, successfully restraining me. Robin fell at my side bound up as well, in sentient chains if I had to guess by the way they snaked around him.

"This turned uncomfortable fast," he whispered to me while fruitlessly struggling to get free.

"And I can make it very unpleasant if you don't tell me where she is." A chain collared me, tangling around my neck, then lifted me from my seat like a leash. I glared at him once we were eye to eye. He wore a white, full face mask with three black circles connecting his eyes and mouth. My first thought was it was a weird design, but then the circles began to spin, and I noticed it seemed very alike to the pinwheels used for hypnosis. I quickly shut my eyes and grumbled out the answer.

"I'm getting _purr_etty damn pissed that all you males have been pining for this new girl, whoever she is, and not giving me the proper attention. So take her, and get the hell out so my love life can go back to normal." I pointed to the cleverly hidden door. His eyes followed my finger before turning back to look at me.I felt as if he were grinning at me behind the mask.

"Oh no, I won't be leaving you alone at all. You'll be coming with me, joining my collection just like the rest. Judging by your looks," he dared stroke my face with mock affection. I tried to take a bite out of his fingers, but that just made him chuckle. "You will probably be my favorite pet to play with. I hope you're ready for a life of hell."

His laughter carried until he left to collect the hopefully unconscious bitch in the airless room, leaving me tied up with a villain lowly humming show tunes and a teen cursing at vexatious, unbreakable moving chains. I felt as if my life had been a living hell for a long time now.


	4. Escape

We were blinded, dragged, buckled down and transported away in a matter of minutes. I could only catch snippets of muffled voices and the occasional bark of laughter from the crazy clown, but it all sounded distant. There was a body lying underneath mine. Robin was my initial guess, but when I called no one answered and I was nearly certain they hadn't knocked the kid out, mostly because they would have done me the same favor.

Whatever the mystery man used to bind me didn't seem sentient, and also too elastic to be typical metallic chains. I tested their durability, trying my best to muscle my way out. It went just as terrifically terrible as I expected, except the material was now marginally less constricting and I could breathe without restriction. Good news for me, I was a flexible and frisky feline tonight that demanded her freedom. I kept at it, pushing out as far as I could and wiggling about until finally my limbs were released.

Then the vehicle stopped, the motor shut off and the doors opened. I swore under my breath, quieted myself to listen to two pairs of footsteps crunch on gravel. One travelled away, the other closer to me. I hoped it was the oaf coming to check on me and not the cause of tonight's _purr_oblems. I snatched the cloth from my eyes and examined the body I was currently using as a bed.

The Batman, powered down and wrapped up… just like a toy under the tree. He was completely useless to me in this state, and a waste of time to rescue if still under the influence of that hussy. So, as much as it pained me to do so, I had to leave him lying there, or risk recapture. I rolled off him, landing upright with more than enough room to stand up straight. My vision cleared itself and I tried to make sense of my location. All I saw were wires connected to more wires, and steel beams that held together other steel beams that doubled as something to wrap even more wires around.

My best guess, we were stashed in the guts of a crazy mobile contraption. It probably exploded too, knowing Jokers M.O. Regardless of whatever it was, I needed to find a way to escape. "Quickly," the approaching feet proclaimed. I saw an entrance, or exit in my case, hidden behind a movable panel. I made a move for it.

Too late...

The feet stopped right beside it, and then the hinges creaked as the rusted door swung open. Thinking fast, I dashed on stealthy paws to the other side of a random beam and silently climbed it, keeping cautious to remain out of sight. I made it up to the top of the machine, and found a nice vantage point to watch whatever unfolded without the worry of being seen.

From the darkness, I could see it was the Joker who emerged, which relieved me. I had no doubt I could take down the clown in a fight with ease. The first thing I noticed was the syringe held securely in curled fingers. There was a sinister looking concoction inside it, and I knew avoiding that needle was vital.

The second detail that caught my eye was the swollen lip and scratched up chin where the boy fiercely kicked him. It caused his puzzled face he made once he realized me missing all the more comical. He looked up, but in the other direction, verifying my successful concealment. It was when he started to exit that finally pushed me off my perch.

I dropped from above, descending as hushed and unseen as death, and landed a _purr_actice _purr_fect kick to the back of the head. I hit the ground with grace. He crashed to the floor with a remarkably hushed "oomph" and a weighty thud. The presumed poison he planned to administer skittered away from his limp hand.

As masterful as my attack had been, it was impossible to confirm it went unheard, which meant my actions were once again going against a timer. In desperation, I started to think aloud because it worked to calm me down and help me think.

"Alright, assess the situation. I'm alone, clearly outnumbered and more clearly overpowered. Fighting is not a wise decision which means escaping to regroup is my only option. Still, I can't just run away empty handed either." I started to pace, stepping over the unconscious men on the floor. "If only I had the keys to this thing, I could maybe drive us out of here." I looked over to Batman. "There's no way I can carry you out without risking getting caught, but I don't want to leave you here either."

"My only choice is…" I looked below to the beat up clown, then back up to Bruce. I sighed. "I guess there's no helping it. As much as it pains me to leave you tied up and defenseless…" And then I remembered who he was. The man was never defenseless, never without some sort of shield and sword up his sleeve; an attribute I greatly admired.

With no more self-debate needed, I picked the villain up and slung him over my shoulders. He had more muscle on him than I estimated, but nothing I was unable to bear. On my way out, I managed to palm the needle from the floor, tucking it in my "Secret pouch" and set off into the night to act as the stealthy cat I was designed to be.

No alarms set or tripped. No guns fired. Not even a shout of, "Hey, you there!" It was too easy to get away. I trekked through bushes to keep anything that might be following me off my tail. Not before long I found myself on the side of the highway. Needing a ride, I set the buffoon to the side, and posed as a hitchhiker. With my looks, there was no wait to grab a _purr_vert's attention. He stopped, asked me where I was headed, and I charmed him with an exaggerated stretch.

"You look like a big, strong man. Could you possibly help me carry something? I would greatly appreciate it, enough to say… give you a reward for your efforts." It was pathetic to see him clamber so excitedly out of the vehicle. I sighed, dully watching the predictable moron as he came over to me, deliberately giving me a cheesy grin. I pointed down at my hostage. "My friend's passed out from drinking too much again. Yes, he is an idiot but I can't leave him here. Help me load him into the car, handsome. I'll make it worthwhile."

"Yes ma'am." He gave a mock salute before beginning the task. He flipped the limp body over, and had a miniature conniption after seeing the ghost-white face. "Wait a minute! Isn't that... oh God! Are you?" I put a hand on his shoulder.

"No silly, relax! We're coming from a costume party. Our car broke down on the way home and he was passed out. I would have called for a tow but my phone's dead. So, can you help me out stranger?" It was that simple to win over the gullible fool. A whiff of seduction goes a long way.

Once the villain was secure he asked, "Now, what about my reward?" which I just had to chuckle at. I shrugged, confusing him. Disappointment crept into his once proud expression.

"Let's see if you can catch it." Not giving him time to respond, my heel connected sturdily with the chub of his cheek and he hit the pavement like a sack of bricks. "Yep, you caught it; _purr_operly rewarded, sir."

With no more obstacles in my path, I joined the cars on the road into Gotham traffic, calmly driving to the only place I could go with a knocked out murderous psychopath in the backseat of a stolen car and a past criminal record.

There was no immediate response when I rang their doorbell for the second time that night. I always imagined that Alfred was at the ready when a visitor came, and only waited for the ding dong as his cue to open up. He thought it was common courtesy to never dilly-dally. It was a motto he applied to everything he did in life.

I impatiently buzzed again, thinking aloud, "This is the worst time to be sleeping on the job, Jeeves."

"A Pennyworth hardly ever sleeps madam." His voice carried through an overhead P.A. system. One I was oblivious of until now. There was a good chance I was currently a victim of hidden surveillance, which explained the man's quick reaction of the bell as _purr_ usual, and also tonight's tardiness.

"May I ask the reason for your return? Come to finish me off? Perhaps take over the mansion while Master Bruce is away and unresponsive? If that is the plan you have plotted out, might I suggest you turn tail now and run, you scandalous alley cat, while I still allow you the chance!"

It was a decent threat, and a little hurtful to hear coming from him. Then again, it was an old man holding down the fort of a valiant knight. There was no way to tell if he were capable of backing up the bark in his words, or simply attempting to ward me away with a bluff and a _purr_ayer; not that it mattered. Sure, I could clock Bruce in the face easy because it came naturally, but I could never live down harming a hair on this man's head.

"We don't have any time to spare. Bruce is tied up and in the hands of…" I didn't have a name yet. "Some guy with a mask" would sound silly, and remarkably still believable. "I don't know who yet, or what he wants, but he has the Joker's support so it has to be bad. I managed to slip away, but I'm going to need your help to save him!"

The speaker remained quiet for an uncomfortable amount of minutes; long enough for me to think my plea would go ignored, until finally he said, "Fine, I'll only be a moment, but no funny business!"

The relief gave me the energy to crack a smile. "No kitty business! I _purr_omise on all nine of my lives, my tail and whiskers and lovely cat eyes, claws my heart and hope to die." No less than five seconds later, the mansion's main entrance creaked open, and the old man stared at me with distrusting eyes.

"What can I do to assist you, Miss Kyle?" Polite to the end, this man. Instead of answering, I tugged on my hostage who was _purr_opped against the side of the building, and Alfred jumped away when the body fell sluggishly at my feet. In what seemed like a trained movement, he surprised me by brandishing a musket and pointed it directly at my heart.

"Well, first thing would be to point your big toy somewhere else. I don't feel too safe with a gun at my chest." His hands didn't waver; his aim trained on a kill-shot. I might be faster than him, but I could not dodge a bullet from here. "After you put the gun down, I could use some assistance carrying him inside and tying him down."

"You expect me to assist a criminal with escorting the Batman's greatest enemy into his own home? You must be as loony in the head as he is."

"I thought the Batcave would be a better location. Don't worry, he's knocked out." My words were not very reassuring to him.

"A trickster like him, there's no telling if he's playing possum."

I gave a Cheshire's grin. "He tried that on the drive here. I gave him a few good licks for his trouble."

We managed to get the clown down to the secret headquarters, tie him down tightly to a chair, and have a little chat to clear up a few important details. I explained my escape, why Bruce was not with me, how I had no clue where Robin was, and that I felt sorry for beating up his master in the first place. It was not a very ladylike thing to do. Of course, when I added the part about infidelity, he dropped the issue altogether.

"So, you mentioned you needed my help. Does that mean you already have a plan, Madam?" I shrugged my shoulders, and winced a little due to soreness; something that caught the faithful butler's eye. Plans not involving stealing _purr_etty treasures were not my strong suit, but being a sneak was.

"Not entirely." I reached between my breasts, and he averted his eyes like a gentleman. I retrieved my hidden pouch from a secret space under my costume, and pulled out the syringe. "I was hoping you could help me figure out what this is first."

"I'm not so sure I want to know, Miss Kyle." I looked up puzzled, and found his eyes were still closed. I laughed.

"No silly, I want you to find out what's in this syringe. They planned on giving it to me while I was out cold." He turned, giving an "O" face.

"Ah, that's much better then, although I dread to find out the wicked contents held inside. Is there anything else I can aid you with, perhaps a cup of tea, or a bottle of aspirin while you wait?"

"No thanks, but I do need another favor. With the big man held _purr_isoner, and the kid unaccounted for, is there anyone else that can back me up in a rescue mission?" I may have asked the question, but there wasn't much hope in my voice.

"There is one other, Miss, but it may take her some time to arrive from her college." He collected the needle from me and took it over to his little chemistry set on a desk in the corner.

"Ah, I forgot about her. A long time ago, I attempted to recruit her to my side of the law. She would have made such an adorable Catgirl."

"Indeed you did. I shall contact her immediately." He turned to me with stern eyes. "And what shall you do in the meantime?" I thought about it, but I didn't have to ponder for long. The man tied to the chair was starting to stir, and all sorts of _:__meows__:_ exciting ideas popped in my head.


	5. Prisoner

We stared into each other's eyes a long time. His boredom very evident in the dullness of his expression. It was almost worth cracking a smile seeing his lips lowered and eyes drooping in an uninterested frown. I didn't bother asking anymore questions, because in a very out of character decision, the clown refused to speak.

So instead I focused my mind on something more _purrd_uctive, scratching a few itches in spots my costume made it a nuisance to reach. I spun away from those dead yellow eyes, reached between my zipper and gave the soft skin under my breasts a satisfying clawing.:_meows__:_ I couldn't help but _purr_ out loud, and felt thankful that the old man was too immersed in his work to notice me.

"How much longer before you find something mentally involving in there, chief?" I asked him impatiently. Now _I_ was the one getting bit all over by the boredom bug, but pestering the butler while he worked hardly seemed fair. I never received an answer, meaning he really didn't hear me, or chose to pretend. Either way, I was grateful for being spared the embarrassment.

I sought to remove myself from his hair, so I asked, "Do you think Batman, or the mannequin clown here, would mind terribly if I took a quick shower? I feel a bit unclean from all the running and jumping I've had to do tonight." That was an understatement. Sweat had my skin clinging uncomfortably to the leather, and the suit bunched and pinched in irritating places. My legs chafed with every step I took in it.

Alfred was kind enough to direct me to the master bath, but I failed to hear because something more interesting attracted my attention. Once I faced my captive, I found his eyes were no longer so unresponsive compared to before. In fact, they were glued very tightly to my figure, following every dip and curve my hips made. Even more alluring was the way his lids widened at the prospect of me showering, as if he were picturing it in his head.

"Wow, hun! I had no idea you held such a strong attraction to my physique. Would you like to watch me shower?" I asked the clown in my most seductive voice. He groaned, as if experiencing a pinch of pain, but his head eventually gave a steady, slow nod. I laughed mockingly, putting a heel up on the side of the chair so my thigh hovered over his groin. "Is that right? You want to watch as the water sprays mama clean?"

"Pardon me, but what did you say, Madam?" The British accent directly behind my ear startled me, and I faced him with a sheepish smile, withdrawing my leg.

"I actually think I've made a curiously fascinating discovery, Alfred." He was carrying the needle in his hand, and his demeanor read threatening, although not directly at me. Still, if he thought he could inject me with whatever toxin it contained, I'd have to break that rule about not breaking the man's face.

"I'm proud to report making a promising, if worrisome observation of my own, Madam." He held the concoction up for me to see. It just looked like toxic waste to me. "I've run batches similar to this one under the microscope in the past. It's a sturdy blend of the fiend's trademark Joker Venom, as well as home brewed persuasion juice, or truth serum as the youth call it these days." That bit of news was a relief to hear, as I was already formulating ideas of using the drug when Alfred once again interrupted me.

"There's something else as well, I found mixed well with the other contents. It's the reason it took so long, trying to isolate and analyze the component. It's… well, according to the computer, it's a powerful aphrodisiac." I don't know where I pulled my smile out from, but even more, naughtier ideas crowded my head._purr_haps it was all the _:__meows__:_ dirty thinking clouding my judgment, but I snatched the unholy drug from the butler's hand and turned to my helpless victim.

"That sounds like a potent poison to me. Let's see how the clown likes a dose of his own medicine." The butler didn't stop me as I rolled up the purple sleeve. The needle went in with ease, but he didn't seem to respond to it. There was no reaction at all, even when the last drop was injected under his skin, directly into the vein; not that I expected him to. It took a moment after I administered the Joker juice for it to take any effect, but when it did, the result was horrifying.

"Ha…ahaha…HAHAHAHAHAHA!" The clown came to life, finally resembling something of his former self. With an animated grin, his head twitched to the side as he considered me and Alfred. "That felt good! I was beginning to feel like a stiff trapped in my own body. Do you have any more? I would appreciate seconds."

It took me remembering he was tied down to regain my composure, and I got back into the character I was expected to play. I gave him a simple shrug in response. "Sorry, that was the last drop of it."

"Ah well, I'm sure we can find something to do that'll keep the good times rolling. _purr_haps a quick game of cat and clown?" he said, mocking me with a hyena's cackle. "Hey, who's the old guy?"

Alfred jumped up at the accusation, puffing out his chest and shouting, "I'll have you know…"

"Hey! Easy grandpa, don't have a seizure on my behalf." After the third time, his laughter was more irritating than intimidating; I was fed up with it.

"Enough!" He silenced himself instantly, his face frozen in a horrific grin. "We don't have any time for play," red lips dropped into a pout, "I have a few questions for you, and I need to know the truth!"

"What if you can't handle the truth, sister?" He tilted his head to the side, stretching to pop his neck. "You gonna let me free? If not, I don't think talking to me will do you any good, unless you plan on going mad with me. I have a comfortable setup in the Asylum. I don't normally bring dates there, but…"

"Who is the masked man you're working for?" He didn't want to answer. His head bobbed back and forth, his teeth gritted against each other. Still, even his broken mind couldn't resist the agent coursing through his veins.

"It's just some snot-nosed punk who wanted to play with the big boys. He's nothing significant, can't even build his own toys. I suppose that's why he offered me to work with him in the first place. Which reminds me, I should keep away from the wine when doing business transactions. The stuff puts me in the wrong place, if you know what I mean."

"Why are you working for him? What's his name?" His reaction to my question was the same as before, only now his head jerked a bit more violently.

"What can I say? He managed to get into my head. Normally I would have sliced a pretty smile on his face for his efforts, but he found a way to tighten a few screws, straightened my crooked straight jacket, and afterwards, I didn't think he was such a bad guy. Ooh, tell me the Bat has him tied up in the other room! Those two in the same room would be a hoot."

"What's his name? What's his plan?" This he seemed eager to answer.

"To rule the world while it's in a state of massive anarchy full of gratuitous sex and spontaneous nudity. As for the name, it's shamefully and ironically lackluster. Still, these kids don't strive too high nowadays. "The Tamer" will never stand out as a classic. Doesn't even strike terror when you say it out loud."

"You're one to talk, Joker." He smiled at that, but subdued his laughter for once. "How does he plan on doing this?" This he answered by opening his legs, looking down at his lap, and showing me something that might haunt me in my nightmares more harshly than any of the psychotic man's murders.

"I'll give you three guesses." He laughed, a shrill cry that rose with his erection in volume. When he finally settled down, he eyed me like a spoiled child would a piece candy. "The drug he possesses keeps the user suspended in constant, painful arousal. It also subdues the conscience, disables free will and makes them more open to suggestion. Very impressive creation."

"Is… is there an antidote?"

"Oh, that's the fun part. It only leaves the system through natural detoxification. In other words," he winked at me, "it's play time!"

He was up and rushing at me before I realized what was happening. With luck, I dodged the slash from the secret blade he kept hidden up his sleeve. Unfortunately, I was pushed off balance, and he succeeded in getting a good grip on my breast and slamming us both down to the floor. He wasted no time mounting me, making sure I was immobile before putting the blade to my throat, laughing the whole while.

"Ah, it's been a long time since we've been in this sort of position, right pussycat? Only this time I'm on top. Hey! You better stay where you are Lurch, or I'll show the cat the bloodier way to scratch an itch." His grip on my breast tightened, drawing an involuntary gasp from me and I arched my back, pushing my body into his. "Ooh, you sure know how to show a gal a good time, kitty." He gave an enthusiastic thrust of his pelvis into mine, laughing excitedly. With my head tilted back, I saw the sliced ropes on the floor, as well as something curiously concerning concealed in the shadows.

His fingers worked clumsily to peel away the leather, finding the zipper on the inside housed in my cleavage. His evil eyes opened nearly as wide as his demented smile as my top slowly came undone. The zipper marched south at the command of his fingers to the tune of his greedy snickering.

I was graciously spared being stripped bare by a n unexpected kick to his ribs. He wheezed in pain and rolled over, off my pinned frame and onto the floor. A gloved hand reach out to assist me up, and for a moment I believed it was Batman to the rescue. But when I was right-side up, I noticed the long dirt red hair and the female figure. It was _her__._

"What are you doing here?" she asked me, sounding puzzled. I hadn't seen Batgirl in several years. Bruce told me she was having a vacation from the cowl, living it up on a college campus. For being away so long, she filled her costume nicely, and apparently kept her moves sharp. I answered with a meek shrug and we both turned our attention to the Clown Prince of Crime, who was clutching his gut and holding the green hair out his eyes with the blade resting on his own temple.

"Where in the world do you bat brats keep coming from? Someone should really hire an exterminator. I'll gladly take the job. Time to fumigate!" His fingers pinched down on the fake flower pinned to his lapel. Instantly, a cloud of green gas covered the area. The three of us backed away fast, Alfred taking up the rear, looking ready for a fight.

He rushed us with the same surprising agility he showed before, but this time I was fully prepared. I let my new partner catch the bladed hand, and took advantage of his defenseless stance by scraping at his face, painting my claws with his blood. Batgirl disarmed him with a slick turn of her fingers, popping the wrist, dislocating the joint.

I _purr_-elled a knee into his groin and she dragged his crumbling structure to the floor with him screaming, "Uncle! Uncle! Nieces! Nephews! I give up!" The redhead grew aggressive and sat on his back, keeping his limp arm elevated above his head. I used the break in action to zip up my suit, stuffing the kitties back in their place. "Alright, I'll be good. I promise! Now get off of me."

"Not a chance, psycho." I never saw the young girl so agitated before. It looked like she was willing to rip his arm off if he dared to move just the slightest bit.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll let me go soon. It's not like we have much time remaining." I couldn't help but snicker at the weightless threat.

"Why in the name of everything sane would we ever let a gruesome rat like you scurry free without a leash?"

"Because, I'm the only one who knows where Bird Boy and The Bat are." Batgirl looked up to me confused, and I can only assume Alfred and my own expression confirmed his words since her grip marginally slackened. "You're already going against the clock, and if you don't find them soon you'll be too late. Let's face it girls, you need your good pal Joker to get them back. So, what do you say, do we have a deal?"


	6. Guess Who

An impatient sidekick and a murderous psychopath _(__minus__one__blade__)_stood along with me in the secret stomping grounds of the only man we had in common. And soon we would be joining forces to rescue him. In the back of my mind, I couldn't help thinking that by the end of this whole ordeal at least one of us would be in need of a memory wipe, else serious consequences arise the night after. Of course, that would have to wait until after we finished arguing like pathetic elementary children in the lunchroom.

"I cannot believe you brought him here! He's our greatest enemy! Threatening the lives and sanity of the members of this family for years and it's all just a sick game to him." She shot the clown a look of despise, which he countered with the same bored look he gave me. In fact, he hardly reacted to anything.

"If I didn't bring him along we would have no way of tracking your teammates down. It's not like I had a choice. That's exactly why _you_don't have any choice but to work with him. Trust me; I don't like it any more than you do." I tried to sound sympathetic for once, but I wasn't very skilled at it. She made that obvious with a scowl under her cowl.

"Trust you? I can barely manage to do that much, so how do you think I feel about him? You don't understand, you haven't seen the evil, the low-level filth that man delights in every moment of his life. I've dealt with it more than you have. So I know _never_ to trust his word." She considered the psycho sitting with his arms crossed and boots propped on a countertop, looking as if owned the place, before directing her dagger-sharp eyes back at me. I kept my tongue bit, not comfortable sharing the twisted fantasies the man involved me in, on a more _purr_sonal scale.

"You know, a long time ago when I was still getting the hang of this sidekick thing, I made a vow, from student to mentor." Her voice had forfeit its fiery edge, and for once, the villain showed interest in what she had to say. He sat up in an exaggerated fashion and his eyes widened in eager anticipation. "He told me, no matter what the circumstances were, I should never sacrifice myself to save him. He told me he could never live with that failure constantly haunting his conscience. I agreed, the man has enough problems running through his head, he doesn't need me adding to them."

"So you're just going to abandon the man that practically molded you into who you are today in his time of need?" chimed the sadistic clown. "I have to tell you, kiddo, that's cold, even by my standards. Well… almost anyway. Maybe you and I have more in common than you think." I could've reached out to slap the bastard for his comment, but I trusted the kid to handle herself.

He started to cackle, but she silenced him with an authoritative, "Shut the hell up, you freak!" He surprisingly complied. "Of course I'm going; I'd be a pretty sucky partner if I didn't. I've defied that vow ever since I made it and I'm not going to stop now. I'm just letting you know, if either of you cross me I will bring you down myself." Now it was my turn to be silent, watching the drama unfold in front of me. I felt as if I were sitting front row, watching a thick dramatic scene of a serious play unfurl; the actors were shit, but very entertaining nonetheless.

"Well kiddles," the Joker stood, kicking away the chair so it toppled to the floor. "It seems like we're going on this road trip after all. I don't find the destination much of a thrill, but they always say it's more about the journey. I'll let you pack up all your respectable toys while I go drown the lizard. Don't want any accidents to occur while we're out there."

He didn't make it a step away before she stopped him. "You can't be dumb enough to think I'm going to let you go anywhere alone while you're here."

"You're free to help, although I don't really have a huge girl-in-pajamas fetish." She looked confused; as if confusion were unexpected when confronting the Joker. "Which reminds me, who's going to assist your boy-toys when we get there? I don't even enjoy choking my own chicken, so you can count me out." It took a few seconds, but the look of repulsion spoke volumes of her comprehension. "If you'll excuse me, I have to go clear my mind of all this clarity. All of this rationality and comprehension is starting to bore me."

We were out of the mansion after only a few minutes of me trying to force out of my mind what the clown had to do to get "sane". He was a lot more adamant about the plan once the substance subduing his spirit was released.

"I never noticed how many toys your daddy had at his disposal whilst opposing them, but now that I get to play with them, I must admit, I like mine much better." He laughed while nearly missing the side of a building, scaring both of the Batcopter passengers.

"Explain to me why I'm letting him fly this thing again," Batgirl asked, not bothering to hide her annoyance at my side. I shrugged.

"He supposedly knows where he's going, and he didn't care to share our friend's location. Plus, I don't know how to operate this and you didn't trust him at your back. Smart choice if I do say so myself."

For the rest of the flight, Batgirl and I caught up on a few things. It was a fun little bonding moment when Robin was brought up. She nearly revealed some of the things they did together when Batman wasn't looking, and tried justifying the naughty implications by claiming, "I always saw him as more of a little brother. I swear; a pesky, but occasionally cute and funny little brother." I let the issue rest once I noticed the blush forming on her cheeks.

In no time we were landing on the rooftop of a strange building. Glad not to be suspended in air with a maniac in control of my fate, I was the first to hop off, followed by said maniac, with her taking the rear to "keep an eye" on us. The only place we could go was through a single door or over the side. The vote was nearly unanimous.

"What exactly is the plan here?" I asked before any of us actually entered the building. The teen and clown both shrugged.

"What do we need a plan for?" asked the clown. "My true genius shines when I'm improvising, but if you want to know the basics. We go in and rescue your boyfriends by doing the naked dance, fight off a sexual terrorist and if there's enough time, do the naked dance once more for good measure before hauling him off to jail; simple as that."

"Really? So what is your role in all of that? As far as I know, you're terrible in a fight and you're even more useless as a sexual partner. You have nothing to do, so why are you still here? Do you think if you help save him, he'll give you some immunity to vengeance for a night?"

"No, no, don't be silly. I'm only here for the show. Besides… that freshman stole something from me, and I plan on getting it back while you three cause a huge commotion." He snickered, moving past me to open the door without any hesitation. I would've asked him what he meant by three, but the answer came soon enough.

"Puddin'? Is that you?" A frightened young girl's voice called out from beyond the doorway.

"Yes, it's me," he answered woefully, though not loud enough for her to hear.

"If it is, you better untie me right now! I can't believe you locked me in here! How could you be so cruel to your pumpkin? Tying me up like this, to this kind of machine of all things. You better get me off right now or so help me!"

"Harley?" I called out in question, and she set her hateful rant on pause.

"Who the hell is that? You brought another woman up here for your sick games? What, am I not enough woman for you now? You no good, rotten scuzzball! My mama warned me about slick talkers like you…" She went on until the man untied her, but not before the girl and I witnessed what she was hooked up to, and we both turned our heads in disgust at the display. He carried her out into the night's air, and she covered her naked frame up from our view, more out of habit than modesty.

"If I wasn't so weak-kneed right now and needed you to keep me standing up, straight I'd slug you right in that handsome nose of yours!" the blond threatened with serious malice, which only made him exhale a twisted wheeze.

"You are a sick bastard" I muttered, stating the obvious, and all eyes were now on me. "You despicable sack of shit! What would possess you to abduct and tie up your own assistant and subject her to an unwilling session of sexual torture?" I'm not sure what caused me to lose my temper like that, but the high levels of stress I was forced to suffer through tonight were seriously starting to put chinks in my armor.

"You're one to talk kitty. Dressed like that, I'd be surprised if you haven't done something similar to the men that were stupid enough to fall prey to your one-note seductions. As a matter of fact, I know from personal experience that you…" The whip crack caught him on the chin, knocking both of them to the ground and successfully silencing any secrets he planned to reveal about our past together.

"The difference between us is that, unfortunately, I still have a conscience." I'm sure he might have laughed at that if his jaw was operating properly.

"Wait a minute," Batgirl interrupted. Being the least invested in the current debacle meant she was the one most on the ball. With our main lead down, she turned to the naked, leg shivering, sweat-coated Harley Quinn for an answer. "Where is Batman? Was he in there with you?" Harley, the poor girl, looked just about as clueless as she always was, but for good reason this time.

"I've been locked in a damn closet for a week thanks to this pompous ass and his random experiments on new ways to 'Rev up his Harley!_VROOM__! __VROOM__!_' Ha ha, big joke! How the hell would I know or even care where that other screwball is? If I were decent I'd give that ugly mug of yours a sure needed tune up!" She stuck her tongue out like a cartoon character, causing her nemesis to squint.

"You think you can shut her up too?" she asked me. I snickered, and twirled my whip in hand.

"My pleasure…" I gave the begging, backpedaling girl an evil grin.

"Don't you dare! Whose side are you on anyway? When I get my feet back under me you better believe I'll have my revenge!" _:__Whip__-__crack__:_

In the end, we were down two buffoonish clowns, but still no Batman. I couldn't help but think I was to blame for this. I'm the one who caused this, by not waiting and observing back in that alleyway. I shouldn't have let him take her home alone; I failed to help him, to listen when I had the chance. Those thoughts kicked me back into kickass mode. I was ready to do anything to correct my mistakes.

"Whoa!" Someone approached us from behind, and nearly caught the end of my whip with their face. "One of you ladies must have a wicked right hook." It was a relief to see Robin stooped on the edge of the building. His natural confidence was clear in his crossed arms and smug smirk. He looked even cuter than when he was blushing.

"Dick?" the girl at my side asked in disbelief, sounding much younger than her age. "Where the hell have you been? I was forced to team up with criminals in an effort to get you back, and you just show up out of the blue like you haven't been M.I.A! How did you get away?" That was a good question. When I made my escape, there was no sign of the kid. I assumed our assailant chose to keep the more intimidating of us under constant watch.

"I was never a captive to begin with." I'm sure Batgirl had a delayed jaw dropping reaction the same as me. He shrugged at us. "Yeah, I watched that masked guy haul off with Batman, Catwoman and that doctor lady all tied up. He left me there on the floor, not even bothering to make sure I couldn't get away."

"You're kidding!" the girl and I cried in unison. He came away from the roof's edge to examine my handy work, whistling at the unconscious couple of loons.

"Nope, not kidding. The way he explained it, I'm just not important enough to be a part of his collection. Nor would I be any threat to his operations, and by the time I got free the world as I knew it would be spiraling down in anarchy. Very cliché of him, if I do say so myself. Hopefully I didn't miss too much in my absence." He turned his attention from them to us. "By the way, do we know where Batman is?"

"You mean you don't?" she asked on my behalf. My relief wore off seeing his shaking head. We managed to rescue those who were in danger just fine, but it was just a waste of time to me; time that Batman didn't have to spare.

"Of course not, Barbs. It was a genius stroke of luck just coming across you guys. I spotted you flying in the sky while I was making my way back to the cave and decided to track you. To be honest, I mistook you for him, but I guess he's still in peril. Guess we should hurry to rescue him? After you ladies, if you have any leads."

"Well… I kinda just incapacitated our only lead," I admitted bashfully. Together we turned to check on the clown, and were shocked to find they both had vanished without a trace. "Where in the… Quick, over the side!" I yelled.

Sure enough, we found him cackling away with the still unconscious, indecently exposed blond in arms. He was using a pair of puffed up parachute pants to have a cushioned drop to the streets below. A double cross from the Joker was a punchline I should have anticipated, but his escape seemed too tame...

That is, until the beeping began.

Starting at a subtle hum, it soon crescendoed into a roaring alarm we were unable to ignore. I had my ears covered attempting to block out the piercing chirp to no avail. "What in the…"

_**BOOM**_

The explosion rocked the roof to its crumbling point and we would've fallen into a pit of fire if Robin hadn't had his hand already holding onto the side. We all dangled above death, and the scorching inferno beneath kissed at my heels, wishing to consume me. I fought the urge not to look down by closing my eyes.

"Hey! As much as I love hanging out with you ladies, we don't really have time for this." The strain in the boy's voice as well as his face told me he couldn't hold us up for much longer. His grip was slipping, and holding us both up with one arm had to be taxing. Not only that, but if the Joker were to slip away…

Only the heat made climbing my way up their bodies worth breaking a sweat. I assisted in pulling them up before scanning the streets for any sign of the clown. "Hurry!" I commanded after spotting him run down an alleyway, "We can't afford his escape."

We jumped in unison. Robin mentioned something about not missing anything during his inactive period. I wished I could co-sign, but truthfully, I was missing something very dearly. My only coping thought was that soon I would have it all back. Nothing would stand in my way of bringing him back to me.


	7. Jokes

Chapter 7

We tracked the criminal clowns to a run-down laugh factory located in one of Gotham's seedy pockets. Being outside the shady looking shack brought back a handful of unwanted, perverse memories that would stay tied to my tail until I retired.

I told the kids to remain outside, and to listen closely just in case I needed them. Neither being a stranger to such an order, they used their training to disappear. That left me alone to have a quick chat with the psychos about the location of one of their ilk, and more importantly, my thick-headed partner in need of rescue.

Sneaking was an innate talent for me. I was silent; a light-shaded shadow sliding through the halls as a ghost. A whisper the night summoned forth for justice. I was beginning to see why Bruce enjoyed being the dark knight. Sleuthing had its moments.

I'd made it to the room they resided in, still unnoticed, crouching behind a stack of crates to stay concealed. One hand gripped the handle of my whip, the other stretching the claws of a predator preparing to pounce on unsuspecting _purr,_ey. I was all geared towards an execution.

That is, until I heard, "I can't believe you humiliated me like that!" something that my subconscious had been screaming to say to a certain someone. "You're dead, buster! You hear me? K-I-L-L-E-D! DEAD! Just wait until I find those knives you gave me for my birthday. Then you'll be in trouble!" Harley was seething. And when I looked up, I saw the Joker actually retreating from the death-glaring girl, now thankfully fully dressed in her trademark getup.

"Calm down, Harley," he pleaded, paralleling a scene I'd recently gone through myself. She tossed a heavy looking crate at his head, which he nearly didn't avoid.

"Calm down? Is that really all you can say? You really are a laugh, Mr. J. Why should I calm down?" He halted for a moment, no doubt to think up an excuse. It was a common sign of a liar. Something I'd never seen Bruce do, not even when I caught him red-handed. _Purr_haps he was just a better liar than this unfunny clown.

"Because... everything I did was to ensure your safety, snookums." I couldn't believe my ears; it was as if he wasn't even trying.

"Ha! That's a good one, boss," she mocked, and I didn't blame her. "You always deliver a good punchline. Next you're gonna tell me you and the Cat were just patty cake partners before you met me." She huffed, and again the cat caught her tongue in her teeth so as not to give her position away.

"You have to believe me, Harley! You're my little sucker punch, my secret joke in the hole I rely on when I can't seem to stir up my own fun. And sure, you make mistakes; mistakes that make me want to pummel you with a sack of really heavy boots, but it doesn't mean I want to seriously hurt you! I put you in that machine to protect you."

I could see it in her eyes as well as he could. The poor girl was beginning to falter on her stance, and the sociopath would find it easy to capitalize on her doubts. She spun away from him, arms folded, pout prominent but not promising. He walked up behind her and slowly wrapped himself around her.

"Keeping you hidden away was the only way I knew you were safe. With your safety not on my mind, I was free to get captured and learn about our new friend, The Tamer. If I had you with me, things would have been far worse off for you. I was abused as it was; you don't wanna know what he would've done to you, but I'll tell you anyway if it gets me off the hook."

The next few moments were too quiet to hear. Go figure the loud mouth was exceptionally skilled at whispering. Still, whatever he murmured into her ear got results, as the next sounds were of the girl begging him to zip his lip.

"A-alright Mr. J. I forgive you, I promise! See, you're Harley's smiling like the sunshine. Everything's right as rain." She stretched her lips up with her fingers to give a dopey grin to convince him. He may have been amused by it, but I had definitely seen enough.

"Well, isn't this the touchiest scene in the loony bin soap opera." I sprung up from my hiding place, and they might have made a mess in their colorful trousers the way they jumped in surprise. "I hope there's a magic show for the second act, where someone gets sawed in half. I love that suspenseful stuff."

"You've got some nerve butting your whiskers into our business. Can't you eavesdroppers ever leave a tender moment alone? You should be ashamed of yourself!" The blonde went on trying to tell me off, until I shot her a look that had her cowering in the clown's arms.

"Don't worry. I didn't trail you just to pick another fight. That's not going to get me what I want any faster. Just tell me where I can find The Tamer and no one gets their face clawed up like a scratching-post."

"Can it, tuna breath! I'm not doing one solitary thing to help you or your fashion disaster, cape-wearing companion… unless you can make me laugh." As the clown unveiled his condition, the grin he wore worked to unnerve me.

"Are you serious!" I shouted. "This isn't a game, freak-show. You do realize the Batman is going to die unless I can save him, right? Even for someone as twisted as you, that still holds consequences. The only man you feel understands you is going to perish at the hands of someone else, and you're okay with this?"

"Yup!" he snickered. "I don't believe an upstart is going to get that kind of beginners luck. I've thrown far worse at the Bat and he always manages to turn it around. And even if this newbie does the impossible, I'll have a hell of a time sinking him, and the rest of Gotham into a cesspool of insanity. It may not be the best outcome, but I still come out on top. So, if you want me to scratch your back, Cat, you don't have any choice but to joke the Joker."

I wanted to punch his smug face in, but that would give me nothing but momentary satisfaction. Instead, I exhaled a breath of contempt for my situation, and submitted to his demand. "Knock knock," I started, trying my best to lift my voice above the flat monotone.

"Who's there?" he sung with enthusiasm.

"Ha he ha ho ho."

"...Ha he ha ho ho... who?" he asked, sounding genuinely confused.

"There, I made you laugh."

His expression was pure, priceless _purr_plexity until he finally caught on to what I meant. "Hey! That wasn't funny at all! You cheated! Doesn't count!"

"Don't be a sore loser! We didn't agree on any rules. You laughed, I win, gimme my prize!"

"At least tell a joke, otherwise what's the point?"

"Why'd the black cat cross the road? To cause an eight car pileup with her bad luck charm."

"Heh, that was cute, but you'll have to do better than that to get me to bust a gut."

"Fine, you sick sadistic asshole! You wanna know something I find hilarious?" I stalked over to him, pushing the bimbo out the way and gripping the psycho by his collar. "Before you tried to drop that piano on my head, I actually thought I could straighten you out and make you a better person. I don't know why I was so delusional, but I really had feelings for you. Even now, when my common sense and instinct forbid it, some part of me still holds on to the good times, and hopes that you'll change your ways."

"Ha ha ha ha ha! And why wouldn't you be? After all, I am the Joker with the most, baby!" He made some proud gestures meant to make him look worth worshiping. I nearly gagged when he winked at me. The blonde behind me growled. "Alright, kitty. A deal's a deal." He outstretched a hand to shake. I looked at the lunatic with disdain.

With all the _purr_anks he pulled in the past with this same maneuver as the setup, electric buzzers and explosive fake arms just being a few examples, I figured just letting go of his collar was an acceptable sign of agreeing to the deal. "So, where are we head—"

Almost automatically, I threw myself at the clown, while simultaneously kicking his freaky stalker backwards. We crashed harshly into a pile of solid wooden boxes, barely avoiding the shards of glass raining down, or the body flailing as it fell through the building's skylight.

Before I was even oriented, I could hear Robin's panicked voice shouting, "They took her! We have to go, now!" I was up right and at the ready in an instant. He, on the other hand, looked like he might be out of commission for a while.

The boy's face was already bruising, and it looked as if the glass had sliced his cheek up. He spit a wad of blood out of his mouth, which was still pouring out the corner of his lips as he yelled, "We have to go! I have to get her back!" before clutching his side and making a tear-jerking expression of agony.

"Hold on, cowboy. We'll get her back, but first thing's first. We need to get you some medical attention." I knelt down beside him, hoping some sort of motherly instinct would take over as I lightly caressed his cut up cheek. He grabbed my wrist, and I couldn't stomach looking into his eyes for more than a brief glance.

"It was _my_ fault they took her," he whispered. "I should have protected her, but they ambushed us. I couldn't defend her." He sounded defeated, and when I looked up into his eyes again, I could see he was slowly starting to fade.

"Wait! Stay with me, kid. You said _they_, right? Who is The Tamer working with?" It's not like I needed to ask. Who do you think, is what my mind kept asking, but I couldn't risk jumping to conclusions. Still, my heart sunk when I heard those two shallow breaths before the boy lost consciousness.

"Bat... man..." he heaved with a punctured lung, before leaving me on the floor alone, with two criminal clowns, an unconscious body, and a heart full of fear.


End file.
